people be fucking normal abt ftm bottom surgery challenge.
None of the commenters are gonna see this, but! If anyone’s interested in meta or phalloplasty but is kind of on the fence because they’ve only heard Terrible Wretched Things about the surgeries and results, you should try to find a copy of Hung Jury by Trystan T. Cotten! It’s a collection of testimonials from FtMs who have had bottom surgery, including their reasons, details about some of their procedures, and individual satisfaction ratings, and it includes testimonials from several trans men of color!
This is the book that convinced a buddy of mine to go through with metoidioplasty! I pinky promise, the surgeries are way way way better and safer and more effective than we’ve been made to believe they are. If it’s a procedure you want/need for your health and happiness, it’s a procedure you deserve!
LITERALLY THIS!!!!!! ppl are just parroting what they hear and they’ve been saying the same shit for decades. news flash assholes!!!! if you actually do your research, you’ll find it has gotten better!!!! what you mean is that bottom surgery won’t make you cis, and that is not the fault of bottom surgery.
I’m sure it’s progressed in 20 years but when I’m in multiple FTM trans groups and seeing multiple posts from guys who’ve been basically butchered, including several who have had it just straight up reject and fall off, you bet your ass I’m not spending thousands of dollars to get bottom surgery. It’s just not worth it to me.
“my information is decades out of date but i’m still gonna fearmonger anyway.”
I highly recommend that anyone considering a phalloplasty checks out this site
It goes into detail about everything from different types of procedures, to preparations, to recovery, and to risks.
I’ve found it extremely helpful while I was looking over my options because they don’t just vaguely warn you about potential complications; they explain them in depth with the goal of informing you rather than dissuading you.
I think one of the most important takeaways I found here is this section:
ALT
The phalloplasty has come a really long way since it was first preformed (almost 100 years ago, I believe!) and complications are a risk with any surgery. Phallo has higher complication rates, sure, but it also boasts a very high satisfaction rate–higher than that of people who have undergone cardiac surgery. And regardless of all of this, shaming people or calling transmasc surgeries “butchering” or “invasive” or “dangerous” is kind of awful actually.
(There’s also a similar site for people considering metoidioplasty too!)
@defilerwyrm this seems relevant to your interests
”Don’t fuck up perfectly good parts” is so fucking transphobic you could have taken it right out of any given TERF’s larvae-filled, shit-encrusted mouth.
They’re NOT “perfectly good.” Not for those of us with bottom dysphoria. They’re parts that SHOULDN’T BE THERE. They’re parts that SHOULD BE DIFFERENT. And modern medicine can make that happen.
“Doesn’t even work” I can fuck both your parents with it one after another, shut the fuck up. You can piss with it. You can fuck with it. You can orgasm with it. What else do you want, a song and a dance?
“Doesn’t look like the real thing” if it’s like 2 months post-op maybe?? Babydoll there were SCADS of cis gay men biting their lower lips at my phalloplasty cock at the nude beach. One did an honest-to-god double take complete with jaw drop. And once I get my baculum (by which I mean erectile implant) in December, I’ll be able to put it in any damn position I please. Partner likes ‘em straight out? No problem! Partner likes an upward curve? Can do! Show me a cis man who can fucking do THAT.
BUT WAIT, THEY EXIST. Because phalloplasty and erectile implants and testicular implants are done for cis men, too. Do you think THEY’D rather have no dick instead?
You say don’t want phallo because it doesn’t give you a cis dick. I hear “I’d rather wallow in misery and self-pity because chasers and other transphobes have convinced me that I should not have my body altered from the parts they want to fuck.” I hear “I have been duped into parroting genital essentialist transphobic bullshit by cryptoconservatives.”
I love my dick. This is a $135,000 cock—I saw the bill. It’s QUALITY. And it fucking ERASED my dysphoria. Do I wish it worked like a cis man’s penis? Do I wish I had a foreskin? Of fucking course I do! But you know what I never fuckin’ find myself thinking after bringing myself off is “Gosh I sure wish my hand, pubes, genitals, and sheets were covered in rapidly-concealing jizz.” If it were possible to go back to my original configuration, there is no universe in which I would EVER consider doing that for a PICOSECOND.
The most common complication is a fistula. GUESS WHAT. THEY USUALLY HEAL UP ON THEIR OWN. MINE DID.
With a nebula-sized fuck-you to the transphobic cis gay who coined the term on LJ 20 years ago and discouraged the fuck out of me for ever getting bottom surgery, this “dick roll-up” is so much better than my OEM parts they’re not in the same fucking universe for comparison. They are on different levels of reality apart.
Stop parroting TERF rhetoric to yourselves and your brothers. Not all of us have bottom dysphoria, but for those of us who do, BOTTOM SURGERY IS FUCKING AWESOME AS ALL HELL.
The funny thing about Hung Jury is that the guys in that who got phallo literally talk about hearing the exact same shit people say today about phallo. Like verbatim:
“He described them as, “at best…a tube of skin and meat hanging between their legs.” He testified that a constructed phallus cannot function sexually like a penis, is incapable of erection, and has no sensitivity. He stated that he had never seen a phalloplasty that looked like a real penis and that its appearance may worsen over time, so that it becomes “kind of flaccid and wrinkled up [like a] piece of—to me I think it looks like a dried up cucumber.””
“During my research of hormones, legal hoops, and surgeries, I’d continuously come across comments and information on how phalloplasty for transmen left something to be desired. Descriptions such as “mangled flesh,” “frankendick,” and “they fall off” were frequent. Most of these comments came from fellow transmen.”
“Because my exposure to phalloplasty procedures was limited, I could not have imagined how talented the plastic surgeon who performed my surgery would be, nor how realistic my penis would look, feel and function. I had heard many of the common remarks: Phalloplasty provides an insensate organ barely approximating a penis; or, If you’re going to get bottom surgery, it’s better to get a metoidioplasty, because at least you’ll have sensation and a natural erection, even if it is rather small.”
There’s also this:
“I remember hearing one man speaking about how in the first few years of his transition he felt like he had been convinced having a penis was unnecessary, because he met so many trans men who told him that “the penis does not make the man,” yet he ended up feeling otherwise. He eventually did come to feel that in order for him to live more fully as a man, he needed to have a penis, but he felt like the most opportune time had passed him by: he believed he was now too old, too broke and too sick. He was angry that so many of his trans-brothers had dissuaded him from seriously considering the procedure, considering the importance it would end up being for him. He questioned why these men had cared so much about the issue, why had they felt the need to criticize other trans men who opted for genital reconstruction. He wondered how they could be experts on a topic they had never experienced personally.”
It’s been over a decade since this book was published. People with little knowledge about the actual process or experience of phalloplasty have been saying the same exact things about it for decades.
Women who are attracted to men but also don’t like penetrative sex - and I’m definitely + explicitly + it’s very much the point including vaginal penetrative sex here - are also perfectly within their rights to have that boundary and to have it respected.
Straight or bisexual women, cis or trans women, doesn’t matter - I feel like womanhood is often equated with enjoying penetration. But it’s not. Your identity doesn’t dictate what you like sexually. And what you like sexually doesn’t dictate your identity.
And I think especially for women who are attracted to men, enjoying penetrative sex is considered such a must that many of us don’t even question it - to the point that a) not wanting it is considered a medical issue by itself and b) with many medical complications or conditions or even psychological reasons that someone might find vaginal penetration painful, the first concern is often not even to fix the underlying issue or even to make that kind of sex pleasurable - but to make her “functional” for her partner again. (Prized example: The husband-stitch. Generally, I hear so often from women whose partners got impatient with their recovery after they gave birth and who felt pressured to have vaginal sex before they felt like it.)
So I just want to say:
Womanhood does not equal enjoying penetration.
Being AFAB doesn’t equal enjoying penetration.
Being attracted to men doesn’t equal enjoying penetration.
What you enjoy sexually is not a matter of your identity. It’s only a matter of what you enjoy and what you and your partner(s) genuinely want to do.
And actually, yes, this specifically goes out to heterosexual cis women in particular: Even if you never ever ever want to have vaginal penetrative sex - that’s perfectly fine. You are perfectly within your rights to have that boundary. And no man has any right to force you. And calling you “uptight” or “vanilla” or “weird” or “but you own a dildo” or “It’ll be good with me, I swear!” - that’s a way of forcing you. He has two options a) accept your boundary and find a different way to have sex b) accept your boundary and go home.
If there is an underlying medical issue like cysts or if you have vaginismus that diminishes your quality of life - of course I recommend seeing a doctor. And if you have experienced trauma, I recommend therapy. All of which should be focussed on helping you with the things that you deem important - and not what your partner or a potential partner deems important.
But if you simply just don’t want to have penetrative sex - then don’t. Nothing is wrong with you. No one has any right to force you.
We often say “don’t do anal if you don’t want to”, “don’t do oral if you don’t want to” - and those are very, very true! But I feel like we don’t say “don’t do vaginal if you don’t want to” or “don’t have penetrative sex at all if you don’t want to” often enough to women - because it’s such an expectation that everyone would enjoy it.
And also, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Sometimes, trauma is a reason - but if you have experienced trauma, you’re not obligated to tell your partner the details of it to justify not wanting to have that kind of sex. “No” is a full sentence. Sometimes the fear of pregnancy or contraception failing is a reason - and that’s also to be respected.
And if you don’t have any reason related to trauma or a medical condition - you’re still perfectly within your rights to have that boundary respected. Sex is supposed to feel good for both partners involved. And any partner who doesn’t care about your boundaries or pressures you - is for the streets. Gotta go. Is an ex. Shoo. Out. Over.
You cannot define a sexuality around non-binary people in the same way that you can define a sexuality around men and women. It’s not a third gender. It exists outside the binary. Non-binary is an umbrella term, not an actual gender in of itself. Most non-binary people do not identify as the same gender in the same way men and women do. Some non-binary people describe their gender with the term non-binary and that is their own gender, but not everyone who calls themselves non-binary as a term for their gender identity thinks of themselves as the same gender in the same way men and women do. So I’m just saying, the many attempts people have made to define a new sexuality around non-binary people are futile and unnecessary.
Some non-binary people are comfortable dating people who identify as straight, gay, or lesbian, and some are not. That just depends from individual to individual. You don’t need to change the term for your entire sexuality just because you want to date a non-binary person. You don’t need to identify as pansexual or polysexual or whatever to date a non-binary person. If you’re a lesbian and you’re dating a non-binary person, that doesn’t mean you’re misgendering that person with your sexuality. If you’re only attracted to women and you’re dating a non-binary person, that does not mean you see them as a woman. You just can’t define a sexuality around your attraction to that person, and that’s ok, you don’t need to.
Another thing, non-binary people can be any sexuality. Non-binary people don’t have to identify as pansexual. There are non-binary people who are lesbians, there are non-binary people who are gay, there are non-binary people are bisexual. To say you must identify as pansexual to date a non-binary person is especially disrespectful to non-binary people who do not identify as such. Non-binary people can’t be defined under a sexuality and non-binary people don’t all have the same sexuality.
Dutch people are like “we don’t need to wear a helmet when we ride our bikes, because unlike in the barbarous United States, we have simply outlawed traumatic brain injury”
solid asphalt only hurts to fall on if the road it makes up was designed primarily for cars
I told my friend who’s a TBI researcher about this post and he was shocked silent and then started laughing harder than I’d ever seen him laugh before, and then he said, “we literally use something called Rotterdam Score to assess brain injuries.”
ALT
